I need space to laugh.

Woke up at 5.30 AM and accidentally went back to sleep because I forgot that my parents aren't working so that means they won't be waking me up. Ha-ha. I woke up at 6 and rushed because I've to get out of house by 6.30 and I haven't packed the 400 popsicles. So went into zè car with Liyana and and and we reached school and put everything at our booth, with the help of Hein Htet, Qusyairi, Haziq, Ling Pin? and gang. Thank you so much. When I reach there, only my booth, me and Liyana have. So, we went and search for Ms Khoo and Ms Phang to take our oven and stuffs. We played the ukulele while walking around. Hyper us even in the morning. Hehe. Then we went to the hall and then went down again. Facilitators had to go down, while the rest of them enjoy the Bogor Students' performance. Sigh, I want to watch them perform, so badly.

We prepared and sell and at the end of the day all our popsicles were sold out. Hehe, yay us. In the middle, I went around visiting everyone's booth yknow. So nice right? Yeah, I visited just to ask everyone for a flyer. Hehe. I walked around with love also. Oh, he gave me pink heart-shaped helium balloons because I die-die wanted it. Gaaaah, but i was just joking towards him. Then he really believed but still, aww 😘 Then I die die want to go Haunted House but then I didn't 😭 Every year always want to go Haunted House then later the queue long or too busy. I want to cry because at the end of the day, this thing we do didn't even benefit us at all. All our money were gone and we got nothing in return. No enjoyment, no fun. Nothing. All I did was cooked, walked around. The end. I wanted to play the games and all but by the time I was not busy, it rained. Badluckzee. I don't care, next year I don't want to have anything to do with Youth Day carnival's booth thingy. We did our proposal like shits and last minute and then we got it. Like wth la.

Huda and Natasya dedicated Superbass to us and their message was,"If yknow wak amin." HEHEHE i love them. My parents came to pass us the remaining sausages and also popsicles because I couldn't bring it all whut. He also came and when I saw him I was like... mood's ruined. Hein Htet, Qusyairi, Haziq and Ling Pin came to give us $6 coupon but when I went to the class, we got rejected. Sigh, then they asked for something in return so we gave them our extra breads, our extra sausages, cheese and tomato sauce. So, after the event, we saw who won and stuffs and see pictures of us throughout the Carnival and woah, the camera's quality is ultra good! Oh, so we sat at the study area on level 2 because we knew the bus stop would be full. So we waited for awhile then suddenly Haziq came with a cockroach and said,"Surprise." I threw it away and suddenly found out it was found inside the container. Walao, they so badluck. Seriously, they were the first ones to open that container and then there's a cockroach inside. Woah. Pity them. If anything happens to them, I'll be held accountable and I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I'll go to hell, for sure. So guilty and they kept rubbing salts to the wound and said,"Ah take back all uh" etc. I'm like so sad that at that point i wanted to cry. I was thinking what if we served that to everyone. Sigh. I didn't even want it to happen but what was I supposed to do. I gave them our new container of sausages but then they rejected it. *emo*

Natasya went home. Me, Izhak, Liyana, Huda and Hafiz went to Macdonalds' near Superbowl after going to my house to put all the items, temporarily. I'm so scared that Izhak's friends will be like,"Eh, he prioritize his gf more than us. What kind of a friend is he." then I keep feeling bad throughout like.. I should totally let him go with his friends more so that his friends don't feel that way. So, after eating at Macdonalds', we went to the superbowl to bowl luh. Hais, I'M A VIRGIN TO BOWLING OK. And for the first time ever, I went to bowling. With them, and I'm just like meh, keep getting 0 throughout. Sigh, all the 4 professionals. I feel so demoralized. Sigh. Then we went to arcade and played racing game then done. Then we went to Macdonalds' again and bought ice cream. Mmdap. Then then then Huda told me that Hafiz was being competitive or something because he keep copying whatever Hein Htet was doing. I was queueing and he placed his hands on my waist and Hafiz followed. I was feeding Hein Htet the ice cream and then Hafiz also want to follow and say,"I also can do." HAHAHA, I wasn't even trying to.. meh come on, it's naturaaaal. We don't do it to make you guys jealous or what. It's just what I'll do even without you guys. Meh. We kept laughing over lame stuffs like how Hein Htet said,"I'm a Singaporean." Liyana said,"So, is your IC pink?" He replied with a serious face,"No ah. Brown." So funny. Then Huda laughed again and the oink came after. Again. And we were talking about Paing then Liyana asked if Hein Htet knows Paing then he said,"what's paing?" WTH HAHAHAHA, and then hafiz laughed becuase he said "Paing sounds like a weird sound effect." then I told them I used to call him,"Pain-gee" with full of confidence. Oh apparently Hafiz said,"I always get A for maths." and hein htet high-fived him. Oh please, thanks for the insult. We know we always fail okay? Thank you so much 😏

Nevertheless, I was like.."so mean." so I just said,"'cause your school's standard lower than us." When I get insulted, I just say whatever I want to get back at them. Yknow I feel bad today, because throughout I feel as if I was being mean to him but then I found out that it was direct opposite. Sigh 😔

We went to my house and I sent them back to the bus stop and hais, emotionally separated with each other.

Today is awesome because I broke my virginity towards never-ever-went-bowling before and because I was with my loved ones. It was awesome physically. Mentally, my heart wasn't fully there. I was totally dazing away most of the times. Emotionally? Totally not at all.

Oh so practically today I felt like shit. 1) All our hardworks and efforts just like went down the drain. 2) I feel stupid and noob in everything. 3) I feel guilty over the cockroach incident. 4) I'm blank. Total blankness. Empty feelings.

Do yknow how it feels like to see all your toils and sweat just gone down the drain in a blink of an eye? Do yknow how it feels like when someone says they're stupid, ugly, fat, or dumb but they're none of those stated and they're more smart and capable than you? Do yknow how it feels like when your hardwork turns into disasters? Do yknow those feelings when you just want to shut your eyes, mouth, ears and just ignore the whole world? Do yknow how it feels to be me? Do yknow how it feels to constantly have mood swings out of random? Do yknow how it feels to be insulted? Do yknow how it feels to not be appreciated? Do yknow how it feels like to just be the most retarded, dumb and stupid among all? Apparently not everyone knows because all those stated above is how I'm feeling.

Reminder: 13 more days to Ramadhan.


Not even having this mood swings because of periods. At all. I just feel totally crestfallen and sad. Just that guys have to understand that when a girl feels lonely, she'll start having mood swings and she'll randomly have that moment where she just wants to cry. Cry her heart out and don't even know why. Sometimes what you have to do is not to "give her space" or let her calm down. Even if she tells you to go away, don't. Be there for her. I'm just saying.

Found this online:

As you hang up the phone after talking to your girlfriend, who has gone from being super nice to super naughty and back to super nice in a matter of 10 minutes, you can't help but ask yourself who this three-headed monster you're dating really is.

One minute she's telling you how happy you make her, the next she's telling you how happy she is when you're away from her. You thought you were dating one girl, but with her mood swings, you might as well be dating four.

Many men experience the mood swinging girlfriend, otherwise known as Jekylline & Hydera . You think she's just as crazy as every other girl you meet.

If you want to understand her mood swings and try to better deal with her roller coaster emotions -- especially those that reappear monthly at the Menstrual Amusement Park -- just take a seat and buckle up; it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Loopy Emotions
Men and women both experience their share of mood swings, but for some reason, females are more often associated with mood swings. When a man is cranky, we chalk it up to a bad day because his stock just plummeted, but when a woman's mood goes topsy-turvy, it's attributed to her crazy mood swings.

Why the double standard? For starters, women have set themselves up for the mood swing association thanks to "PMS"; medically known as premenstrual syndrome, but also known as the excuse for every female to act like a witch with a capital B .

Women have a right to attribute mood swings to hormonal changes and PMS; there is biological evidence linking one's mood to their menstrual cycle. However, women go too far by tacking their "Leave me alone" posters to their chests a week before their period. Don't worry, we'll cross that red carpet soon.

Hormones aren't the only likely cause of mood swings; women can go from happiness and motivation to irritability and lethargy due to the uncontrollable stressors in their lives.



Uhm so yeah, girls are like these mainly because of their hormones. Girls hormones are way "hyper" than guys and one moment they can be happy and next.. bam! So yeah.

Just note that when i'm having my moodswings, i'd rather have someone to talk to than people "giving me space to calm down". At least I know, that there's someone to care for me.

Hehehe, don't worry I'm not emotional or whatever right now, I'm just saying anyway. Maybe moodswing a little but still, I'll try to be happy. I'm just too tired right now. I just want to be beside my love and sleep on his shoulders. I bet I won't have those frequent nightmares I've been having these few days. I bet I'll sleep peacefully. For once, I want to have a peaceful sleep. Please.

Thanks for reading this, whoever you are. I love you, whoever you still are.

P/s, I put my ukulele on the bench which was our "store room" then at the end of the youth carnival, i realized it was gone. Panic mode: ON. Then I turned everywhere and realize one of my senior, who I don't even know was playing with it. Seriously? Y U NO ASK FOR PERMISSION 😔