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❝ZAREENAH❞
I FEEL BLISS
I'll be who you don't expect me to be
I love food, chocolates, and everyone

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12th day of ramadhan
Wednesday, August 1, 2012 @ 6:56 AM
2nd monthsary

CT > D&T > Recess > English > History > Lunch > Chemistry > Maths

CT: It was shitty because I couldn't do the questions that I was supposed to know.

D&T: Passed the test. Went through Electronics. Shit, couldn't understand anything. Sigh.

Recess: Read book at library.

English: Mdm Nisha never come so the relief teacher told us to do Speech writing.

History: Ms Smitha went to her graduation so we were left alone in class doing our SBQ worksheet.

Lunch: Sat in class doing nothing. Text him and stuffs.

Chemistry: Yu Xin told me about chinese celebrations and she asked me about Malays & Muslims. Then Ms Khoo lectured the class and she cried. I failed my chemistry test :')

Maths: Continued studying math and um, i was blur about it all.

After CT, Ayu & Sabrina came to my class and were like,"ZARINAH! Whole of express have the math thingy! How?!" then I told them that I'll ask Ms liau later because I was putting up stuffs on the notice board. I called Fatiha and went to Ms Liau then she started scolding us and talked about how irresponsible they all were. She was totally pissed off and she told us not to feel upset and go talk to all those who were involved in the Math thingy. After that, we went to 2E1 and Ms Tok was there then I asked her to meet all the guitar students and then they talked to us. Ms Liau demanded an explaination letter. Then I told them to come at 2.50. And take the test at 1.50. Hehe, I is sho smart! Not like them, want to pon! Hehehe. Then ms liau text me about how they all look like as if they were going to cry. I laughed so hard in class and then she told me about someone's pitching problem. Oh god.

After school, went home with Izhak and we played pepsi cola 1, 2, 3, took photos and had little chats.

Today was supposed to be a happy day, it was up till now, yes now.

He told me that I've mentality issues. Moral support and stuff. I broke down. Why? I had a lot of issues on my mind. Sometimes, I just want to tell someone every single thing but I can't. I've many deep deep deep feelings and thoughts I've been bottling up till today. Even after he told me about how I'm supposed to be positive and stuff, I just can't. I broke down. I cried. While he was talking. My heart cracked into a million, billion, zillion pieces. What could I do? Nothing. He said something about what I'm supposed to do when I feel down. I can't. I just feel so sad because I couldn't do anything with my life. He would never understand my situation. His life is so perfect. My friends' life, all so perfect. Everyone I'm surrounded with right now, all of them don't understand the emotional and mental pain I go through daily. All of them have always led a simple and plain life. All so easy. Me? Problems after problems. So much things to express but I can't. To my family? All too busy. To my friends and him? They will never understand. Their life is just so different. They can't do anything.

Inflicting pain on myself more to get rid of the pain that's already scarred here. I've no idea what to do. Depressed. Stressed. I need a rest. I need a break. Yes, I'm happy every single day in school but once I reach home, my mask that I wear to school will be taken off. That smile will be turned upside down.

Ok bye. Cry to sleep. Bye.