The pessismist complains of the wind.
The optimist expects it to change.
The realist adjust the sail.

As much as I try so hard to be optimistic throughout my entire life, I realize that I lack one golden rule. The key to survive and be successful in life is in fact not lying within the phenomenon of being an optimist but instead, it lies within oneself of being a realist. A great deal, far better than always seeing thousands of smiles lit up on several different faces of different ethnic groups. To be a realist, one has to note that instead of always sitting there and just complain the shit out of everything, one has to change it by themselves.

You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.
Another ideal quote to state that it doesn't mean that you're not ideal to begin, means you can't start something. Instead, you have to start on something to be ideal. No one gets to be who they are in a matter of a blink of an eye. In fact, majority of us don't get fed with a golden spoon.

The irony of this post is that, I'm trying my best to motivate. To motivate who I'm not sure of but the purpose is there and the purpose is crystal clear; motivate. It's pretty much obvious how the irony widens as I continue on with this post. Look up to the title and it states "I need a motivation". Here I am trying to motivate god-knows-who and here I am also thinking to myself how to motivate my own self. There's a huge major problem that settles in my heart right now, and that is the pressure that I'm being forced to handle right now.

I'm contradicting myself that much and I know I should start being a realist instead of always being the oh-so-typical optimistic girl I usually am. As much as I try, somehow there's just too many setbacks that keeps on caving in which always require me to act on impulse.

I want to be successful. I want to achieve great things in life. I aspire to be a lawyer and well, I know it's so obvious that I won't become but no one said that I can't dream of what I would like to be right? I aspire to get into any tertiary education that'll in the end push me up to going to a university. I want to work hard in Law and one day, when I retire and collected all the money, I shall open a wedding boutique. I'll design clothes, I'll conduct photoshoot, I'll plan weddings. It doesn't really matter how much the budget is because I just want everyone to have their once-in-a-lifetime ceremony to be a memory that is special to them and will make them recall of it all the time. I believe that every girl in this world would want to have a wedding that they've always dreamt of.

Well, that's not the main point. Put me back to stage 1. I need a motivation. My final year examinations are arriving in less than 2 weeks time. There's just too many things repeating in my mind that result in me having nightmares and inconsistent sleeps. It's quite hurtful and it's saddening how I always feel so scared to wake up. I yearn to wake up every day, to see my loved ones but to think back, I'm always being haunted by all these pressure that each time I wake up, I'm afraid that these ton of works will continue haunting me further. Sometimes, I just want to coop up in my room, snuggled under the blanket and just wish that all these will go away.

Sometimes I wonder to myself and I know for sure that running away won't help aid the situation. I have no idea why I can help others when they're in these type of situation but when it comes to me, I'll just breakdown. There is indeed many things I'm not satisfied with myself, but putting those insecurities aside, let me talk about what I foresee.

You know how I'm trying so hard to get into JC but looking at my results, I'll never be able to. It's like a mission impossible for me. It'll be a huge leap from where I'm standing right now, I can't even pass a class test or common test, yet alone a major exam. I know how my financial problems just hold me back from further pursuing my studies. I need to go for tuitions because I can study well when there are lesser students in the class. I've been begging my parents to send me for tuition classes and my mum always say she will find a class for me but when I look into her eyes I know she's reluctant to do so. I know she can't do anything about it just because our family's financial's just too tight. She comprehends that I need extra studies, she comprehends that I cannot handle all these myself. She sees me studying and she knows I'm trying. She often sees me crying and hugs me, persuading me that I will do well in life and that she have faith in me. She always give me little glimpse of hope, a glimmer of light but I know I'll never reach it. I don't see why other students dread going to tuitions because if I have a choice, I would totally swap roles with you. I would totally want to be in your shoes, and study hard. It's pretty much demoralizing to always see failures after failures and always anticipating another fail after doing another test. It's heartbreaking to constantly remind myself of how dumb I really am. I have a pretty strong feeling that I will retain but I don't even want it to happen.

Change your thoughts, it'll change the world.

I've always wanted to carve the world out in my own hands. I've always wanted to do a campaign to tell everyone to be more appreciative of what they're having. I believe that no one in this world is inhumane enough to not feel for others. I've always wanted to make a change in people's mindset. How am I going to, when I'm always putting myself down all the time?


"i'm not going to tell you that it's gonna be easy. I'm going to tell you that it'll be worth it."

Can someone just calm me down and comfort me right now? Oh, wait, no. I am strong.

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.


Oh look, I cut bangs. Hahaha. Regret.

Ok toodles n_n