Hi, yesterday we went to raya with the class. I said yesterday because it's exactly midnight right now.

I just got home since my house was the last house. Anyway, first, me and Liyana went to meet Huda and the rest at HY bus stop but everyone were late. So we took 187 straight and went to Natasya's bus stop where we waited for Nadhirah. After which, we went in her house and watched Wujud. Then Fatin and Mariatul arrived. Fitri was there all along, and then Hadi and Hilman came. When we went to eat, we stopped the wujud, and then we watched MJ12. Omg, the house was filled with screams, screams and MORE SCREAMS. fatin literally jumped and hit me hard, and i was there like *krik krik* ouch. Hadi was so annoying, he brought his laptop and played game. Like who the hell brings a laptop to raya? gamefreak. Anyway, we went there like at 1 and we only went out her house at um 3? We waited for Fatah, Shahrul and Radi whut then we went to Cikgu Mary's house and clashed with the 2E. Psh, cikgu said that we can only come before 4, then we did and in the end the 2E came earlier. So ya, it was crammed and we were there sweating like there's no tomorrow. Seriously. Then we just went off and it rained, so we went to Maria's house and we ate there again. (mee soto)

After Maria's house, we went to Radi's house (ate cool pudding) then we went to Shahrul's. Ate murtabak at his crib. Then after that we went to Fatin's, then to Huda's then to Nadhirah's then to Hilman's and then to Natasya's then to Fatah's then to mine. Wanted to go to Liyana's but her father don't allow us to go because Liyana has passed her curfew at 9.

So, that awkward moment when all the parents know me and I don't even know them. Then they're like "zarinah" and throughout, I'm just like "YKNOW MY NAME?!" 😱 So ya, awkward.

Raya with the class was just ultra awesome and we watched so many ghost shows and yknow how I sleep alone. So i most probably can't sleep? Hehe. Anyway, throughout we took lifts and it was just so epic. OK MY FRIENDS' HOUSES ARE JUST THE COOLEST. All of their houses are just like WOW. One have jamming studio, one have massage room, one have theatre room, like seriously. All their houses are just so high class, all look like condominiums but actually it's just flats. Cool uh, I almost faint at their houses. Ok joke. I love the fact that they're all so humble and don't show off at all uh! Awesome uh, anyway, most of their houses have like freaking aircons all over their house even the living rooms. Shall stop going gaga over their houses.

So practically, my class were all just so amazing today. Like oh my god, I heart all of you guys except the guys, well as a friend, i like you guys. BUT NO, MY BOYFRIEND'S #1 ABOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS. MWAHAHA.

Speaking of my boyfriend, I miss him so much. I only talked to him in the morning just to fight and I swear I can't get over it. I kept on thinking about it all over and yesterday, when I saw him at cikgu mary's house, i was kind of happy and excited but he was totally ignoring me. I could see that he didn't like my presence there. I felt so outcasted and anyway, I was the one who initiated to take the photo together but oh well, i feel like it's so unsincere. Like as if he was forced to take photo together, sigh. I miss him so much and his battery died, just like that. Every single time I would check my phone but no texts, no whatever. My friends are all like "Aw so sweet" when they look at the photo and I'm just like melting on the inside looking at it. But my mind and heart are haunted by the fact that he told me to leave. If you love me, you wouldn't even for once tell me to leave. At all. If I mattered to you, you'd try your hard to make me closer to you, not further than you. I just can't believe that we're only 3 months together and he's already initiating me to leave. Nevermind. Shall just emo alone right now, especially at the fact where I didn't talk to him that much today excpet for us just fighting. Hurt. I miss him so badly, and I bet he's not even reading this like right now or something. Hopefully he enjoyed his day with his friends. I bet he did. Good then.

Hurt. Insecured. Hurt. Insecured. Hurt. Insecured. Hurt. Insecured. Hurt. Insecured. Hurt. Insecured. Hurt. Insecured. Hurt. Insecured. Hurt. Insecured.

The words haunted her and every single time she blinked, she'll feel a percentage of her fading away. Her life was getting more meaningless as days passed.

She smiled while tears drip down from her cheeks as she recalled how her day went amazingly the day before. It was joyful and very precious. Her smile slowly fade away as she realized that what she once had in her arms, were slowly retreating away from her.

She was so obsessed. Every little thing that happened to her, hit her hard and she always felt crestfallen easily. She wanted to stop her obsession but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't. Control - the only way out. Although she attempted to control her feelings, every single thing caused huge impacts on her.

Her heart breaked over and over again as she heard those words coming out from the mouth. Right from the start, those words were just too harsh to control. She wasn't the only one who realized it. Even her close friends realized how hurtful those words were. She wanted to leave the world.

She got tired of recalling the thoughts every single day. Every single day, the cycle repeats and she just keep falling harder each time. The obsession got worse to the extent that she couldn't live without seeing each other.

There's nothing left of her except her fragile heart. She got hurt umpteen times but every single time she thinks about it, she realizes that everyone around her have made her who she was.

Sometimes, she just looks up when she's at her lowest and think to herself,"Maybe this is what God has for him. You can't force whatever is fated for you. It's all in His hands."

It's hurtful how sometimes the people you love the most are the ones who hurt you the most. It's hurtful how no matter how much they've hurted you, they've seek forgiveness, and it happened again, you still don't want anything to change. It's hurtful how being hurt hurts.

She closed her eyes and let her mind be free. She stopped thinking and for once she felt free. She wanted to make a halt to all these. It's unfair to her how all her sacrifices are never acknowledged. She wishes that someday, she'll wake up to everyone comprehending her feelings. She needs that glimpse of hope in her. She just need to be happy again.

She hugged the soft, fluffy, white wool that she had for decades and she stared into the dark and quiet atmosphere. She knew what she wanted and that is to sleep without a worry for once. Just for once. Her eyes droopily shut, her half smile and crow's feet were formed and she just left the world thinking.



So, ya. Goodnight everyone. I typed this for one whole hour. Haha, ok I must be awesome then. Super exhausted right now!

Your sincerely,
ZESTY ZEE! 😁

P/s, raya photos shall be uploaded soon. Xiexie for waiting 😘