Today was open house and well, yknow how I'm always so hyper when it comes to events like this. Yes, apparently too excited until I couldn't sleep yesterday night. Awesome. Pure awesomeness.

So, I woke up and prepared and stuffs like that. Cook here and there and everywhere then, waited for guests to arrive. The guests today are all so adorable, not knowing how to eat Malay traditional food. Cute or whut. My mum cooked all the malay dishes and she's not even a malay. See, awesome mum I have right? Teehee.

Ok then Izhak had class to tutor at the house above above above my house and ya, I met him when he went up. Oh just great, it was like on the 14th floor or something. I have fear of lifts and when I went down the 14th storey of hell, I just stayed in one corner of the lift wondering to myself what was I even thinking. I literally ran out of the lift back home and my parents were like,"What's wrong with you?" then I just run to my room and lay down for 1..2..3..4..5 minutes staring into space. Yes, I have fear of lifts. That's not funny. Don't ever ever ever try to leave me alone in the lift, ever. I may act tough, but deep down my heart's going through that adrenaline rush and I could feel my heart in my throat ok. The beat is faster than the speed of light and louder than thunder.

So apparently, I waited for him to finish his class and I made an excuse to my parents that I'm going to the shop to buy drinks for my brothers just so that I could see him. I've no idea what's gotten over me. I'm getting way obsessed with him. It's like my temptations of seeing him 24/7 have to be treated. I'm like a vampire dying for a human's blood, but in actual fact just seeing him makes my day. Eventhough I webcammed to him before he went tuition or that I met him before I went up, I was too obsessed with him. Yes, I don't care I must see him every single day. I must hear his voice every single day. I may sound selfish or what shit but he's mine and mine only. No one else can take him, ever! When I got home, I quickly told him I wanted to call me but I didn't know he didn't went home. So, when I found out I was like,"Oh forget it." Let him be with his friend, let him lead his own life. I should stop pampering my lust and just let him be alone. I realized how obsessive I was towards him. I get jealous too easily nowadays, even when he's just going to his friend's house, I got jealous. Sigh, I should totally stop this or I'll end up hurting him more. I should stop being too obsessed or addicted to him. He may be my drug but before i get sent to the rehab, I better change.

After which, he came to my house with haziq. Yes, excited_girl! I was ultra happy when he arrived and I told my parents to not make them feel awkward because my parents are ultra sociable because they'll crack jokes and sarcasms too much and I'll be there like krik krik. So, they didn't and when they arrived, my heart almost felt at least it could jump right out of my mouth and just leave me already. I could totally just faint there. His smile. His scent. His perfect eyes. His nose. His lips. His ears. His hair. His breath. His body. His legs. His hands. *snaps* Stop. Thinking. About. Them. Ok, so ya i was staring at them eat and he was so cuuuute i can just eat him up. Hehe.

Apart from me trying to resist staring at him, a part of me was melting on the inside and I swear throughout I was trying to make him smile and laugh with me but he just wouldn't. I don't know what's the problem, maybe it's just me. Maybe, he don't like me. Maybe he just hates me but, the way he was so cold towards me was just so saddening. The way he said,"Stay here also nothing to do" was just so hurtful. The way that he avoided eye contact with me was just too unbelievable. When I talked, both of them were ignoring me or just talking among themselves. I tried, and I got tired so I kept quiet but when Haziq took my phone away which is something that I hate because that means he's intruding my privacy, he didn't do anything. Instead, he just stoned there. Like, oh so my boyfriend is not going to do anything? So if one day shits happen to me, are you just going to stand there rooted to the ground? Maybe to you, it didn't matter but to me it does. THE ONE AND ONLY PERSON I ALLOW TO TOUCH AND KEEP MY PHONE IS IZHAK. ONLY HIM. So, why doesn't he feel the pinch in his heart when his best friend snatched away my phone. I couldn't care less as to what Haziq would do and could have done to my phone. All i cared about was you and your reaction.

Your bad mood, you're always having bad mood. I can't understand one shit about it at all. You should learn to comprehend me. Maybe i'm not always moody all the time. Just because of the way I type, you assume my mood? No okay. If i type HAHAHAHA that does not mean I really am laughing hard in real life. For all yknow I'm just staring while I type behind the screen. When you see me typing CAPS LOCK does it mean I really am shouting? No. So, don't assume. I just want to understand what's wrong and understand why are you doing this to me. Never had I once bear grudges against you. Never had I once hated you or despise you for this. Never had I once got angry or upset at you. Don't assume can? Please?

Just too much insecurities in the world.

Sighing out,
zzzzzzzzzzz.