As I slowly slipped on my bed under the blankets, I realized that today I am a lonely girl. I stared at the ceiling and enjoying the silence. Cut the crap. What enjoyment is there even. The sound of my fan turning non-stop. The wind blowing at me and the air con altering the temperature.

All of these are making me miss him. While lying down on this bed, in this cold, lonely night. I smiled to myself as I swiped through my screen staring and admiring all his/our photos. I missed having my phone ring every single second of the day. It has been more than 12 hours not receiving any calls or texts from him. I miss him truckloads.

I listened to my breath as it gets louder and louder. Amidst the silence that grew in the room, I was fighting for oxygen. Why does my heart hurt so badly? Why do I feel so lost? Why am I feeling so lonely right now? I want you here, right now. Please come back.

Lovesick. I think that's what I am right now, I think I am lovesick. I wouldn't have felt this way had he not been so attractive as he is now. I would not feel this way had he acted as a jerk. This feeling I have for him is exclusive. I have never felt anything like this towards anyone else, ever.

I heaved a heavy sigh and placed my phone down to rest my eyes. Feeling every part of my face and realizing how many pimples I've scarred today on my face. That hurts. But why can't I feel the pain of the scars on my face? Why do I keep feeling the pain of being left alone right now?

I want you back. Listening to my parents' love story and how they've met and what happened till now. It's touching, but it's heartbreaking at the same time. How could they have achieve maintaining a long distance relationship last time? I could never have done the same as they did. I would probably be crying every single day.

My heart now is completely broken and my head is spinning round and round. Stress? No. Lonely? No. Lost? YES. I feel a sense of confusion. As though as if I'm lost. I'm lost of all sense of direction. I want him back here because I have so much feelings to pour out to right now. I have so much things to talk about with him right now. I want him to listen to my story. I want him to be here for me. It pierce through my heart deep, as I recalled all the sufferings. Everything.

Can I grow old faster, and have him by my side and then I can support my parents. Oh God, please forgive all the sins that my parents have made. I want to say that I miss the old family but now, I just wished none of this happened. I keep wanting time to rewind back. I feel absolutely crestfallen and empty. Time to rewind back to the time where both my parents were single. Heart aches and brain signals, I just can't take it anymore.

My mum is a strong woman. I love her a lot and I know she'll do awesome with us supporting her. I know that I'll grow up and support her. I won't make any tears drop anymore. I won't allow hatred to form in the family anymore. I love my dad too. No point judging about the past. What's done, is done. No point brooding over spilt milk.

All I can do now is smile and look forward but I just need him to be here with me to listen to my story. Listen to my devastation. Listen to my heart ache. Listen to those tears touching the ground. Listen to the pain as you listen to me talk. Listen to it all.

On a lonely night like this, what hurts me most is the fact that I've to weigh the problems all on my shoulder while he's away. I miss him. I miss him a lot and I just need to hug him. I need him to assure me everything's alright even when I know it's not. I need him now.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

iloveyousayang. iloveyoumummy. iloveyoubrothers. iloveyoudad.