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❝ZAREENAH❞
I FEEL BLISS
I'll be who you don't expect me to be
I love food, chocolates, and everyone

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Lower your gaze.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012 @ 5:33β€―AM
As the sun sets, the feeling of loneliness began to haunt me. I've.. nothing to post about today.

I'm lost. Lost of direction. Lost of words. Lost of safety. Lost of emotions. Lost of everything.

My insecurities are getting worse right now. Way worse than I used to be. Way worse than how I used to think it was.

Just yesterday, I fainted. The main reason was because - wait, I'm not sure but I'm 99.9% certain that it's because of my insecurities.

I was so concerned about my insecurities. Just 5 minutes ago, my mother came and she said I still look pale. When she talked to me, I remembered what she said yesterday.

"You are too active. You keep participating in school activities and now you've overworked your body more than you can handle. Stop calling yourself fat, you're so skinny. Stop exercising too hard. Stop putting too much pressure on yourself."

It made me teared. I don't know. Maybe I'm just deluding myself in my own world.

Whenever I shower, I look at my thighs and I'll just break down in tears. I wished it would be smaller. I look at my non-existent ass and just wished I had them. I look at my face and wished those pimples don't exist.

Everyone around me makes me feel so insecured all the time. All the time.

Why are all of them just so perfect, why are all of them so skinny? I'm tired.

I attempted to starve myself and exercise but my body failed on me. I can't take it. I can't look at everyone else.

Can I close my eyes and run away from the world? Yes, everyone have flaws but I don't see any of them complaining and doing anything.

It's funny how people keep saying that skinny people are pretty. It's funny how people keep saying that those famour people are pretty.

Sorry I'm not good enough, sorry that when I take a photo, while others have all those comments on them being pretty, I'm just there with a comment made by me. Sorry that I'm not as skinny as all of you. Sorry that I'm not perfect. Sorry that I've a lot of pimples.

Can I.. just..

tired of everything in my life, and i'm only a teenager. There's more to life so how can I survive them all in future. How?

Sorry for all the mistakes I've done.
Sorry that I'm annoying.
Sorry that I'm not good enough.
Sorry for not being the one you wanted.
Sorry that I am full of flaws.
Sorry for all the complains I've made.

goodnight, have a good rest everyone.

πŸ’›πŸ’™πŸ’œπŸ’—πŸ’šβ€

Loads of love for all of you, especially Izhak 😘😍